Sometimes the Consolation of Reason and Apologetics Isn’t Enough
I’m passionate about sharing my amazement at who I was before my transformation. I revel in revealing the previous holes in my own thinking, and the blind spots in my worldview revealed by Apologetics.
How could I have been so blind?!
Seriously, when I came to the chapters addressing Evolution in the book “I Don’t Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist” I almost stopped reading!
“OK, here we go! Now begins the narrow minded, bigoted Christian Bible thumping!”
I read on anyway, overriding my natural revulsion to turn away from what I knew they were going to say. I was sure this was a classic case of “bait and switch”. The authors had done a superb job of making their points rationally in the preceding chapters up to this point.
But it was a trick!
A setup. I was certain it was their aim to soften my resolve, drop my guard and reduce my defenses so I would swallow their convoluted, irrational, illogical, evidentially defective views on Evolution!
Isn’t that like a sneaky Christian? Mix enough truth in your drink so you will swallow the poison?
But I was wrong. It wasn’t a trick.
Their discussion of Evolution was the clearest, most level-headed, objective overview and analysis of the subject I had ever seen. It was as if they weren’t afraid “To Follow the Evidence Where it Leads”. They didn’t have an axe to grind! They really wanted to know the truth like I thought I did!
The book’s white light of intellectual honesty sent half-truths that infested my own mind skittering in panic for the shadows. Lies rolled over, legs flailing, stiffened, then died. My eyes burned from the stench of newly uncovered intellectual rot a result of poor mental hygiene.
I was stunned.
How had I allowed this? An entire region of my worldview built by liars in scientist’s clothing was a hidden pocket of maggots and black ooze. I was stunned by my own lack of vigorous analysis of the intellectual conceptual constructs that governed my heart and mind.
I had pointed fingers and shouted “Bigot” as I was trained to do by the real bigots! I had been duped! I swallowed their lies hook line and sinker. I marched in characteristic goose-step, espoused the party manifesto and assinated those who got in the way.
When I finished the book I looked over a moment at the defeated corpse that had once been me. Naked, desiccated, mummified, drawn and gaunt, powdery gray. The breath of truth blowing it away as dust.
I felt relieved. A burden had been lifted. But a new concern appeared.
How could I have bought into a flawed scientific hypothesis riddled with holes without examining the source of its foundation? Why had I been blind, yet so confident that I wasn’t? How could I prevent this from happening again?
I consoled myself with the fact that this is the way chronological time works. We are finite creatures constrained by time -we learn over time. Tomorrow I will be wiser and smarter than I am now. Today I am more thoughtful, empathetic, considerate and careful than I was yesterday.
But sometimes the consolation of reason and Apologetics isn’t enough, and I grieve over my mistakes in judgment.
When hindsight leads to regret and despair, I am never more thankful for Christ’s gift of Grace.