Sometimes the Consolation of Reason and Apologetics Isn’t Enough
I’m passionate about sharing my amazement at who I was before my transformation. I revel in revealing the previous holes in my own thinking, and the blind spots in my worldview revealed by Apologetics.
How could I have been so blind?!
Seriously, when I came to the chapters addressing Evolution in the book “I Don’t Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist” I almost stopped reading!
“OK, here we go! Now begins the narrow minded, bigoted Christian Bible thumping!”
I gagged.
I read on anyway, overriding my natural revulsion to turn away from what I knew they were going to say. I was sure this was a classic case of “bait and switch”. The authors had done a superb job of making their points rationally in the preceding chapters up to this point.
But it was a trick!
A setup. I was certain it was their aim to soften my resolve, drop my guard and reduce my defenses so I would swallow their convoluted, irrational, illogical, evidentially defective views on Evolution!
Isn’t that like a sneaky Christian? Mix enough truth in your drink so you will swallow the poison?
But I was wrong. It wasn’t a trick.
Their discussion of Evolution was the clearest, most level-headed, objective overview and analysis of the subject I had ever seen. It was as if they weren’t afraid “To Follow the Evidence Where it Leads”. They didn’t have an axe to grind! They really wanted to know the truth like I thought I did!
The book’s white light of intellectual honesty sent half-truths that infested my own mind skittering in panic for the shadows. Lies rolled over, legs flailing, stiffened, then died. My eyes burned from the stench of newly uncovered intellectual rot a result of poor mental hygiene.
I was stunned.
How had I allowed this? An entire region of my worldview built by liars in scientist’s clothing was a hidden pocket of maggots and black ooze. I was stunned by my own lack of vigorous analysis of the intellectual conceptual constructs that governed my heart and mind.
I had pointed fingers and shouted “Bigot” as I was trained to do by the real bigots! I had been duped! I swallowed their lies hook line and sinker. I marched in characteristic goose-step, espoused the party manifesto and assinated those who got in the way.
When I finished the book I looked over a moment at the defeated corpse that had once been me. Naked, desiccated, mummified, drawn and gaunt, powdery gray. The breath of truth blowing it away as dust.
I felt relieved. A burden had been lifted. But a new concern appeared.
How could I have bought into a flawed scientific hypothesis riddled with holes without examining the source of its foundation? Why had I been blind, yet so confident that I wasn’t? How could I prevent this from happening again?
I consoled myself with the fact that this is the way chronological time works. We are finite creatures constrained by time -we learn over time. Tomorrow I will be wiser and smarter than I am now. Today I am more thoughtful, empathetic, considerate and careful than I was yesterday.
But sometimes the consolation of reason and Apologetics isn’t enough, and I grieve over my mistakes in judgment.
When hindsight leads to regret and despair, I am never more thankful for Christ’s gift of Grace.
Being forcibly duped is painful.. that evolutionary worldview is very painful to swallow… it gives no hope and exalts death. Belittles humanity and yet simultaneously elevates them into godhood.
Loved the way you ended your post. Reminds me of this scripture:
And I said, My strength and my hope is perished from the Lord : Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord .
Lamentations 3:18-26 KJV
Marcsays
The truth is, Richard, I allowed myself to be duped! It’s my own fault and my own failure to investigate the basis of my own worldview. We all have to take responsibility for our lives and what we think. Each of us is given enough evidence for the existence of God before we die therefore we have no one to blame but ourselves if we decide to elevate ourselves to the position of God. I’m thankful I was given so many chances to wake up! -by the grace of God!
I’m passionate about sharing my amazement at who I was before my transformation. I revel in revealing the previous holes in my own thinking, and the blind spots in my worldview revealed by Apologetics.
That was another great read!
Being forcibly duped is painful.. that evolutionary worldview is very painful to swallow… it gives no hope and exalts death. Belittles humanity and yet simultaneously elevates them into godhood.
Loved the way you ended your post. Reminds me of this scripture:
And I said, My strength and my hope is perished from the Lord : Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord .
Lamentations 3:18-26 KJV
The truth is, Richard, I allowed myself to be duped! It’s my own fault and my own failure to investigate the basis of my own worldview. We all have to take responsibility for our lives and what we think. Each of us is given enough evidence for the existence of God before we die therefore we have no one to blame but ourselves if we decide to elevate ourselves to the position of God. I’m thankful I was given so many chances to wake up! -by the grace of God!